When I sit at a poker table, I'm part of a handful of women and sometimes the only one. Sometimes out of 1000 players, sometimes out of 70. The feeling stays the same.

Life vs the Table

I arrive at the table with everything I am. Life experience, intuition, patterns built over years. Some help me. Some hurt my game. The work is learning to separate them.

A player staring me down on the bubble? He's just playing. But my body reacts as if it's real, and once that happens - my decisions change.

Player tagging? In life I rely on gut feelings. In poker, tagging must be based on showdowns, betting patterns, data. Body language without validation against data is noise. And as a woman who tends to read people through emotion - that's a constant trap.

Self-confidence works differently too. In life, I know who I am. At the table, after a losing streak, the voice starts: "Maybe you don't belong here." Confidence built through hard work erodes in a moment.

Femininity and Aggression

At first I tried to play like the men. Aggressive, cold, direct. Didn't work - I was trying to be someone else.

Over time I understood my femininity is a tool, not a weakness. Reading people, patience, timing, attention to dynamics. Instead of fighting it, I started building a style that combines my strengths with calculated aggression I learned to develop.

Eagly & Karau (2002) - women in competitive environments are perceived as deviant when displaying aggression. The same behavior that strengthens a man can undermine a woman.

The Body as Part of the Game

Part of my work as a player is learning my body. Menstrual cycles, energy fluctuations, days when emotional regulation is harder. It took me time to understand this isn't weakness - it's information.

Today I track how I feel mentally and hormonally, and adjust accordingly. Sometimes that means cheaper tournaments, arriving later, or not playing at all. At the same time, I prefer to also practice dealing with those days over time - not just avoid them, but learn to perform better even when it's hard.

Woman vs Woman

Cashdan (1998) - in limited-resource environments, competition between women increases through indirect aggression. At a poker table where women are a small minority, this dynamic intensifies.

I try to be aware. When competitiveness rises toward another female player, I ask - is this from the game or from somewhere else?

The Empowering Side

After everything I wrote - there's another side.

Knowing that I can win. Not because of gender, not despite gender. Regardless of origin, age, background. The cards don't know who I am. They only know if I made the right decision, or the right mistake, at the right moment.

There's something special about seeing men when the guards come down. Their passion for the game, sensitivity after a loss, childlike joy after a win. A place where men show emotion without thinking twice.

Between hands, real connections form. Conversations about life, hobbies, what matters. Common ground with people I'd never meet otherwise. Poker breaks barriers of age, background, and culture. There's a community here. Not perfect, but real.