Someone congratulated me recently on winning a poker ring - the first female in my country to win a WSOP ring. My response? "It doesn't feel like an achievement."

It was a small tournament. Seventy players. Sure, I played my best, and I'm proud of how I played. But an achievement? No. An achievement is when I painted a wall by myself for the first time. When I replaced a lamp without calling anyone. When I built a wooden table with my own hands. When I sewed a dress. When I traveled alone to a country I'd never been to. When I gave a workshop without my hands shaking. When I finished my master's degree. Those are achievements. Poker wins? They're just... wins.

What's the Point of Winning?

When I told my mental coach about it, he sent me a video of Scottie Scheffler, a professional golfer, talking about what it means to win.

He says you work your whole life to celebrate winning a tournament for a few minutes. And then it's over. And then you ask "what are we eating for dinner?" Life goes on.

Then he says something that made me cry: "Does it fill the deepest wants and desires of my heart? Absolutely not."

I completely relate. The wins are fleeting. They don't fulfill anything deep inside.

But unlike Scottie - I know exactly why I want to win. And it has nothing to do with poker.

The Real Reason

It's not the winning itself that gives me validation. It's the ongoing improvement. The fact that I keep getting better - mentally, emotionally, professionally.

That improvement gives me something I couldn't build for years: self-trust. Trust that I can make good decisions. That I know what's right for me - even when everyone around me thinks differently.

For years I was told I wasn't seeing things right, wasn't thinking right, wasn't doing what I should. I dealt with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder - the price of a perfectionism I didn't understand well enough. I did real work - therapy, learning, changing habits from the ground up. And I changed.

But the old version of me still sits there. And only when I see ongoing improvement - not a single win, but a process that compounds - can I believe I've really changed.

The Gap Nobody Talks About

In the past few years I've had many achievements - in my personal life, career, and in poker. But when I sit at the table, I don't walk in with that energy. Instead, I play like I'm starving - like I'm not improving enough.

My coach pointed out something I'd never considered: creating space to celebrate yourself doesn't just happen. You have to build it. Without it, you're stuck in an endless cycle of "next thing" - and you don't remember any of it.

What Works for Me - And Might Work for You

1. Measure improvement, not wins.
Ask yourself at the end of each week: "Am I better than I was a month ago?" That answer matters more than any single result.

2. Write down 3 good things you did today.
Not huge achievements. Small decisions. "I said no to something that didn't fit me." "I changed my mind when I got new information." "I went to sleep instead of continuing to play." This practice builds self-trust slowly, but consistently.

3. Stop comparing results - compare processes.
Someone else might be winning more. But you don't know where they were a year ago. The only healthy comparison is with yourself yesterday.

4. Say out loud what you don't know.
I have no idea what I'm doing a lot of the time. Most people feel that way. The difference is who dares to say it. And when you do - you give others permission to do the same.

5. Talk about yourself as who you want to be - in present tense.
Not "I'm trying to be more patient." But "I am patient." Not "I want to stop complaining." But "I'm a person who focuses on solutions." The language you use about yourself shapes your identity.

This isn't the journey from failure to success. It's the journey from self-confidence to self-trust. From proving - to believing.