My Story

There's something not many people know about me. I struggled with eating disorders for about 15 years. Depression. Low self-worth that started long before I turned 14. For years, the thoughts in my head were my worst enemy - telling me I wasn't good enough, that I was worthless, that everything would fall apart.

In poker, it showed up clearly: punting chips away, losing big pots to emotional decisions, busting out right before the money over and over again. When my confidence was low, I had the urge to escape - fold everything, disappear. When I felt weak, I had the urge to attack - to prove something. Both urges were traps.

The change started somewhere unexpected - with bluffs. When I learned about bluffing in poker, I realized that my story had to be believable, that I needed to project strength. I took that as a metaphor for my mental state and started practicing self-love as a bluff. I told myself I loved myself, even though I didn't believe it, just to feel more confident at the table.

At first, it felt fake. But after a few weeks of repeating it - I almost felt like I was losing my mind - the intrusive thoughts started to fade, making room for real confidence to grow.

From there, I kept building. I started setting boundaries - asking people to respect me, walking away from relationships that didn't support my self-worth. I worked on my thought patterns, my relationships, my ability to trust. I did biofeedback therapy to understand how my body reacts to stress.

I started putting myself out there on purpose. I created a WhatsApp group where I share my mistakes - not just my wins. I started posting on social media. I put my face and my story out in public. Every time I exposed myself, I built another layer of resilience. The more I put myself out there, the less I feared public failure.

The scariest thing I ever did? Leaving my job to start a business while playing poker. The hardest? Getting back up after a mistake. Not letting one loss spiral into many.

I still work on myself today. I always will. But the difference is that now I manage my thoughts - they don't manage me.

How to Build Self-Confidence - What Research Says

1. Recognize Your Patterns
Aaron Beck, the founder of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), showed that negative automatic thoughts are learned patterns - not reality. You can learn to identify and challenge them. The first step is awareness: When does your confidence drop? What are you telling yourself? If you're chasing losses or trying to prove something, that's a sign your self-worth is shaky - not just discomfort.

2. Connect Body and Mind
Stephen Porges's Polyvagal Theory shows that the body directly affects how we think and feel. Breathing exercises, physical activity, quality sleep, and stable blood sugar all impact your confidence. I try to do breathing exercises before tournaments, but I don't always succeed. New habits take time to stick.

3. Build Through Small Wins
Albert Bandura's research on Self-Efficacy shows that confidence is built through experiences of success - even small ones. I review my small wins every day, not just in poker, but in everything. After two weeks, I already noticed a difference. Each small win builds momentum for the next.

4. Practice Gradual Exposure
Research consistently shows that gradual exposure to what scares us reduces fear over time. Share your mistakes, not just your successes. Do things that scare you and survive them. The more you put yourself out there, the less you'll fear.

5. Surround Yourself with the Right People
Weekly sessions with a mental coach, friends I can call when fear takes over, a coach I can text. When I'm scared, I analyze why, recall past successes, and remind myself of my worth.